DONNA LOCKETT
Special to the Star
When did school become a high-risk activity?
In the wake of yet another mass shooting in the U.S. I have been left feeling empty. As a parent to a young child, I can feel the grief that parents are going through. I can feel the fear of sending their kids to school. And I am left pondering…
We do not have mass shootings here … but for the gun control laws we have. But violence and bullying are very much alive in every school, including in our bubbled Nelson. I have kept my son home for the year because I just do not think he has the capacity to handle what kids are exposed to in school. And I am not alone. I know.
Now before you raise the argument that name calling, pushing, exposing genitals (all of what parents tell me their kids are exposed to) are “kids being kids”….for those of us who were in school decades ago these were the exception and not every class situation. I am weary of hearing these stories.
When kids are in fear they can’t learn. When parents are in fear they transfer the anxiety to their kids. Anxiety hinders learning. And so I ask…
How do we reduce the risk of school and optimize safety, well-being and learning?
In the U.S. we are seeing lobbies for gun control. Step No. 1 there.
And here at home … the answer is obvious and not so obvious. Let’s start where we are. Kids spend most of their waking hours in school. Our tribes are no longer as when I grew up … the rate of single parent households or households where both parents work is higher than ever. Villages and tribes are disbanded. So children are not getting the same level of guidance at home as they used to. Yes it’s up to the parents first and foremost….and schools have become part of our villages.
Yet school paradigms based on values that are decades old are not working anymore. Kids need guidance, support, along with tools at home and in school. Home schooling is not an option for many who have to work. So can we start momentum to change curriculum…evolve from curriculum that were geared for a whole different cultural paradigm.
We need school curriculums that promote kindness. Zero tolerance for bullying (this is not kids being kids … we did not have the level of bullying when we were kids). Stress management. Mindfulness. Empathy training. Emotional intelligence. Conflict resolution. A place to let kids process their emotions safely and responsibly… All emotions, including anger. And while we are at it good nutrition, no smartphones at school, exercise, growing food, nature. These are the elements that will support healthy, grounded, kind little people who are in their full capacity to learn.
Teachers and school officials, I respect you, I love you, I bow to you. You do angel’s work. And even without curriculum changes, small adjustments in the classroom and outside in the playground can help. Allowing kids to pretend they are vigorous animals or to shake their sillies and stress off like a wet dog, followed by five minutes of mindfulness practice or deep breathing can be incredibly calming.
Teaching kids to wiggle their toes as a way or releasing stress and feeling more grounded. Helping kids navigate through conflict rather than assuming they have the skills to deal with it. Creating a space in classroom for emotional process. I know some of you already do this. It has to be systemic if we are to raise healthy, conscious, bright, caring adults. Many parents in our community are savvy to these and other techniques that can help. I will help my son’s school, wherever he goes in September … that is what I can do as a parent.
Who is with me? Our kids deserve this change. Our future demands it.
Donna Lockett is a trauma specialist and a parent who lives in Nelson