LETTER: News from the geese

The geese of Nelson have written a letter to the editor.

The geese population of Nelson have asked members of their Human Overpopulation Department to look into the matter of human interference in various parts of the city, more specifically at Lakeside park.

“A lot of geese communities have problems with humans butting in,” says Nelson Geese Supervisor in charge Gooso.

He continues to say, “we understand they are quite an advanced species, and do occasionally build some beautiful areas that we partake in enjoying. But this belief, due to their overblown sense of importance, that other species are always the problem, gets very tiresome to us, and to the rest of the animal world.”

He goes on to say that when the news came a few years ago that the human population had reached 7 billion, some animals communities even considered a human cull as a solution, like getting rid of just a few thousands or so maybe. But this would require a permit from the Ministry of Homo Sapiens, and this is not easy to get, as humans are a highly protected species, and often seen as the ultimate success of creation.

“Besides,” Gooso says, “that idea would probably not go too well with the geese of Nelson. There’s even some geese out there that view being harassed and chased by humans as just a friendly game. But others are seeing the anti-geese sentiments that have been expressed in the news recently as a warning sign to take action now.”

Some solutions that some geese have come up with are: chasing the humans right off the playing fields to make it a geese only area; using scare tactics such as flying right overhead the humans and; firing goose poop directly at them.

But some others suggest a more somber solution, and want to start teaching their young right away to stop using human parks all together, and try to instill a fierce fear of humans to future generations of young geese in order to preserve their survival.

Many Nelson geese are seeing this as an overreaction based on nothing more than the hating on humans, and the unfair profiling of their species, coming from a few bigoted geese. “But,” says Gooso, “a quick Google search will attest to many stories across the globe of animals struggling with annoying humans and their narcissistic view of themselves, and the tolls this has taken on the rest of the earth ‘s beings. He warns his fellow geese to just be careful in the meantime, and to be aware of the dangers of frequenting human parks too often.”

The Geese Committee of Nelson will keep a close watch on any new future development.

Sincerely, the geese of Nelson.

Brigitte Desforges

Nelson

Just Posted

Campbell scores in OT as Leafs outlast Nitehawks 7-6

Nelson gave up three leads against rival Beaver Valley

Winlaw mosquito control referendum fails

The initiative received 339 votes against, and 118 in favour

COLUMN: Celebrate the season at Nelson’s Civic Theatre

The Civic Theatre presents a program of Halloween delights

Applications sought for annual Nelson heritage award

Deadline for submissions is Oct. 30.

Playmor Junction daycare expansion faces opposition

Neighbours upset with rezoning application, citing traffic, noise and concerns about future uses

Tommy Chong says cannabis legalization makes him proud to be a Canadian

Legendary marijuana advocate and comedian celebrates cultural milestone at Kelowna event

B.C. Liberals’ hopes high as Nanaimo by-election approaches

Historically safe NDP seat vacated by long-time MLA Leonard Krog

Leaving B.C.’s electoral reform to a referendum is ‘ridiculous’: professor

B.C. voters getting ballots in the mail on proposal to change electoral system

Canada condemns killing of journalist in Saudi Arabia consulate in Turkey

The Saudi government claimed Jamal Khashoggi was killed in a ‘fistfight’

One year to election: Trudeau Liberals gear up for tussles on climate, premiers

Analysts say that the Liberals have reason to be ‘fairly confident’

GUEST COLUMN: B.C.’s proportional representation vote is dishonest, misleading

Veteran of 2005 Citizens’ Assembly urges rejection of new voting systems

Prank pizzas delivered to B.C. mayor on election night

The fake orders happened throughout Victoria mayor’s re-election campaign

MLA to become Nanaimo’s next mayor, could weaken NDP’s grasp on power

Leonard Krog’s win will trigger a byelection when he gives up his provincial seat

Horvat nets OT winner as Canucks beat Bruins 2-1

Young Vancouver star had spirited scrap earlier in contest

Most Read