LETTER: News from the geese

The geese of Nelson have written a letter to the editor.

The geese population of Nelson have asked members of their Human Overpopulation Department to look into the matter of human interference in various parts of the city, more specifically at Lakeside park.

“A lot of geese communities have problems with humans butting in,” says Nelson Geese Supervisor in charge Gooso.

He continues to say, “we understand they are quite an advanced species, and do occasionally build some beautiful areas that we partake in enjoying. But this belief, due to their overblown sense of importance, that other species are always the problem, gets very tiresome to us, and to the rest of the animal world.”

He goes on to say that when the news came a few years ago that the human population had reached 7 billion, some animals communities even considered a human cull as a solution, like getting rid of just a few thousands or so maybe. But this would require a permit from the Ministry of Homo Sapiens, and this is not easy to get, as humans are a highly protected species, and often seen as the ultimate success of creation.

“Besides,” Gooso says, “that idea would probably not go too well with the geese of Nelson. There’s even some geese out there that view being harassed and chased by humans as just a friendly game. But others are seeing the anti-geese sentiments that have been expressed in the news recently as a warning sign to take action now.”

Some solutions that some geese have come up with are: chasing the humans right off the playing fields to make it a geese only area; using scare tactics such as flying right overhead the humans and; firing goose poop directly at them.

But some others suggest a more somber solution, and want to start teaching their young right away to stop using human parks all together, and try to instill a fierce fear of humans to future generations of young geese in order to preserve their survival.

Many Nelson geese are seeing this as an overreaction based on nothing more than the hating on humans, and the unfair profiling of their species, coming from a few bigoted geese. “But,” says Gooso, “a quick Google search will attest to many stories across the globe of animals struggling with annoying humans and their narcissistic view of themselves, and the tolls this has taken on the rest of the earth ‘s beings. He warns his fellow geese to just be careful in the meantime, and to be aware of the dangers of frequenting human parks too often.”

The Geese Committee of Nelson will keep a close watch on any new future development.

Sincerely, the geese of Nelson.

Brigitte Desforges

Nelson

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